What artist takes a break? Not this one. I do not know how. I truly mean it. It is extremely difficult for me to sit still and enjoy a weekend to relax. Even though I complain that I’m tired of working and do not have enough time to relax, I am my worst enemy. I cannot chill out. And, the moments I do relax, I must be completely exhausted after I’ve worked my bottom to the bone. Since, I’ll never have a bony bottom, I keep working.
Why is that? I will tell you why. I am an artist. We are a strange breed. We work to satisfy ourselves and no one else. If you work a day job, you would still come home and find something creative to do or sit worrying why you are not creating. I can speak for myself, but I do know that some of my artistic friends have similar eccentric habits. Some are not as intense or not as focused and never get on the right track but they have the same desires.
I was having a conversation with my daughter in law this evening, about my own curse of being an artist. Her first comment was that we are a little crazy. I think from an outsider looking in, it would appear that way. If you are not a creative type, there is no way that others can understand us. We are unique! I feel that this is a better way to describe our eccentric behavior. We are cool bohemians. We are talented wacko’s. We are terrible business people (speak for yourself, this is not me). Some can channel it and some have absolutely no clue. Though many cannot understand how we tick, they want to have what we have. Is it just an “alter ego” or do they really crave the ability to create something from nothing? I have the same difficulty wondering why they cannot free their minds to create to do so. Yet, I cannot sit still long enough to learn calculus, geometry or even study for a real estate exam. I do not possess those talented skills. That’s what makes the world go round and round and thank God it does. It is so interesting this way, don’t you agree?
This past weekend I painted. I did not paint on canvas or silk. I did not work with ink or pencil. I painted a studio apartment. I went all out creating the best feng shui for the new tenant that will be renting it. I am sure she would be content with a good clean up. In had to be the perfect shade of paint, the perfect detail on design, and the perfect outdoor living as well. After I painted every wall. hung every piece of art, I wasn’t satisfied. The small table that sat next to the bed was forlorn looking. Off I went to the garage stash of paint to find the right redish brown shade. Yeah! I thought. I can finalize the room. You see, I’m meticulous on details. I can’t just paint the tables but I must add something artistic to them. They cannot be plain. I’m so nuts! I can’t sit still! It kills me! Tomorrow I will find a stencil to add the final detail elements to finish the table. I will add some gold guilding and hand embellishments. Do you see what I mean? I should be relaxing after all the work I’ve done. My legs are killing me but I’m typing away on this blog.
I think the worst part for me is my family cannot understand why I cannot sit still. It is a tremendous bother to them. It is more bothersome to me that I cannot do what I want with my time. I feel that I am pulled away at the best moments of my production. If I had it my way, I would do nothing but create, sleep, eat, spend time with my loved ones, create, sleep, solicit my wares, and start all over again.
The best thing for me is that I absolutely love my life and my crazy behaviors. I really do. I am not the tortured artist. I love being an artist and I love being a singer. It is the only thing that I’ve ever wanted in my entire life and I’m so happy that I have that! One day I will see the profits from my insane artistic behavior. Right now, I am happy!